drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You may now shotgun with the bride
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
