i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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