Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
