So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize