all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
