NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
