Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
