i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
