I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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