A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My balls are so social today.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
