you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
whose ass print is on the piano?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
