if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
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I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
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Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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