I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
