I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize