somebody snuck up and got me drunk
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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