If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
