yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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