i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
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She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
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I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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