jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
