I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
