Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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