Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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