i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
