So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just pee around me
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
