Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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