I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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