I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
