I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
