i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
