I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
