i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
