My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
