I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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