I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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