I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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