You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Sponge bath it is.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
