Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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