Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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