just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
