and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
