Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Of course I have a pirate flag
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
