I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
