This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
