I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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