dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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