ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize