Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I need to sanitize my soul.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
