why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He better not be in your backpack
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
