we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
i think i just lost a toe
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
