fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
ttyl tear gas
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
