I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
