When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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