so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
