Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Sorry about my life...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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