made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My vagina is very pro this idea
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
