This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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