god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
