I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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