wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
