Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
