my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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