Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize