I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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