I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
