I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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